To resume:

As Winter 07-8 waned (see earlier post), by the time I got to the first doctor's appointment, I wasn't in quite the constant state of pain I had been. Tired as hell? Yes. Not able to do a lot. But there is no swelling or any such outward symptom.

I was a bit frightened still. There was no way to know whether things would continue to improve, or if I would have those same levels of pain and fatigue all the time. I thought to myself- this is too much, I've already been running with fatigue all these years, how am I supposed to manage this addition? The only minor consolation at this time was the certainty that I could not have 'stressed' or 'depressed' or myself into these symptoms, nor could merely being overweight cause this.

I was concerned that I would have to drop school altogether. I found that possibility quite frustrating. No matter how much longer it takes, I plan to graduate with this computer science degree, after all these years of toil and trouble that have gone into it.

So I had my first appointment. The doctor, she was friendly. She ran some tests- mainly the concern was lupus or rheumatoid arthritis. I brought with me a long list of symptoms from the years and my journal entries.

And then I didn't hear from her. I received a postcard indicating that everything came back normal.

I found that upsetting. Both the lack of results, and the postcard notification. Neither was really the doctor's fault though.

So at that point, I was still in pain and did not know why.

I went back (yes, it took another month of waiting for my second appointment), and the doctor seemed a little surprised that I considered myself "decrepit". I fear I may not have properly conveyed my joint pain issues; Or maybe, that when none of the tests came back positive, she assumed that it "wasn't that bad".

She ran some more tests. I got an x-ray of my hands.

This time the doctor did call. But, no results. She did tell me that I should go to a rheumatologist.

A little frustrated, lacking in answers, I almost did not want to try another doctor. I thought about things. I googled.

This didn't seem like a rheumatologist problem to me. I know, that seems like sideways thinking, considering that my main problem was joint pain. But, considering the symptoms over the years... a thyroid problem was too much of a fit.

I looked up an endocrinologist, and quite fortuitously, my insurance would cover most of the visit to the specialist, even without a referral. Off I went.

The first appointment, the new doctor seemed a little skeptical of me and my printed symptom list. I came out of the appointment wondering if any progress would be made. But she did feel the enlarged thyroid- neither of the other doctors I'd been to had. That is probably the only reason she agreed to run more tests on my thyroid. She did scoff at my mention of getting a free t3 test though.

On the second appointment: Vindication. Most definitely Hashimotos, and yes, probably PCOS.

I sincerely hope that is the extent of my problems, but with my luck, one never knows.

What bothers me the most is that... if I had not decided to go to an endocrinologist, how long would I have gone on undiagnosed? I guarantee you a long time. And if I didn't have access to a computer and internet… if my insurance hadn't allowed me the visit...

Now, onto the “other” doctor.

When I was 19, I went to a doctor complaining of fatigue and weakness.

She ran some tests- I give her some credit, she did at least check my TSH levels.

Test results showed nada. So, nothing happened.

She sure did like to mention my weight a lot though, in following appointments.

Now, I understand why a doctor would be concerned about my puffter self and the resulting health risks. But, every G.D. time I went to see her... I just don't see why she couldn't say her piece and then move on to address other health issues.

I did see another doctor at the same health clinic once, and complained about how I would sometimes get the "jitters". She asked me if I cried a lot. I looked at her like she was insane. I was sent to some sort of interview with a psychologist type person in the clinic after that, but for some reason, I did not seem to reveal any deep dark depression. (I was described as a nice goal oriented young woman, by the way :D ).

No wonder I developed an aversion to going to see doctors. That is unfortunate- there are probably a couple of incidents that really should have been reviewed by a doctor.

I can sorta understand these doctors point of view. However, contemplating the effect my symptoms have had on my life for oh, the last 10 years, leaves me in an unforgiving mood.

Above, I mentioned seeing one doctor twice, before seeing the endocrinologist. There was a good 3 month gap in between those two doctors.

In the intervening time, I went to see this doctor that was (technically, I suppose) my 'regular' doctor, the one I went to see when I was 19 about the fatigue and weakness. I went to see her solely for a refill of my Nexium prescription (I have acid reflux- faulty sphincter).

I thought to myself, you should practice full disclosure, as she is a health care worker who is attempting to care for your health. Maybe you were too young before and misunderstood her attitude.

I started in with "I have started to experience joint pains since last winter-"

She goes "You know, losing weight would help with that."

I couldn't believe it. No inquiry as to when the joint pain started, where the join pains were located, no curiosity about frequency or severity.

Nice.

At the time, I was hungry. That occasionally leads to jittering. I was also nervous. Which also can lead to jittering. And then, I was suddenly furious. Well, I... started jittering like mad. I couldn't conceal it.

Suffice to say, she probably thinks I'm insane.

That is okay. I don't really intend to go back to see her. Ever. Except maybe once, with the medical records from the endocrinologist in hand.