Grandmother

Autoimmune diseases run in families. Not necessarily the same autoimmune disease- rather, a propensity for a autoimmune disease.

My grandmother had lupus & probably scleroderma. She lived on a farm with her husband, and raised 4 children.

She died before I was born, so I only know what my mother has told me.

My grandmother also had joint pains and fatigue. My mother would stay home from school to help her out. My mother wasn't too happy with that as a kid, but... dealing with her own mother was an experience that proved invaluable to me her daughter; My mother was a family member who had known someone else with an invisible and difficult illness. Sometimes I would be in denial, and she would still be looking for answers. While it was I that needed the will to do the research- it was she that lent me needed support.

My mother tells me that her mother wasn't really nice in her later years. I imagine the pain, fatigue, and stress, can have that effect on a person. She was diagnosed with lupus, but my mother seems to remember that Scleroderma was added on later, due to a thickening/shiny skin symptom my grandmother was having.

My grandmother was diagnosed, this I know. But how long did it take her to get diagnosed? It also doesn't sound like they were able to afford much medical care for her. Did she get any help? What treatments were even available?

I have seen a couple photos on my grandmother. She looks like me. Skinnier, but similar facial structure, dark hair. I sometimes think about her, and how difficult things must have been for her.

Note: I have Hashimoto's, not lupus, but also have some aches and pains.

The Brain Fog

One of the top Hashimotos thyroid disease symptoms. It's hard to describe this symptom. Especially given that it often would present with short term memory issues.

I hear that many other conditions also cause this.

Straight from Wikipedia:

Brain fog or mental clouding is a general sensation of unusually poor mental function, associated with confusion, forgetfulness and detachment. A number of medical or psychiatric conditions and treatments can cause such symptoms, including:

• Chronic fatigue syndrome
• Heavy metal poisoning and in particular mercury poisoning
• Hypothyroidism

I was once a "straight A" student. I was able to read the textbooks without problem, and memorize them.

Now, I'm not so great at the memorization.

Worse than the memory trouble, was when I would find myself simply not being able to study.

Studying shouldn't have been such a problem- nothing I hadn't done repeatedly in the past. Noting the unusual difficulty, I would make sure I was well fed, well rested, unstressed. I would prepare myself for my study sessions in all ways possible. It wouldn't really make much difference. If the brain fog was upon me, it was pretty much a futile endeavor.

Even with all measures taken, I simply could not study. I remember nearly weeping over a textbook after I'd been attempting to study all evening without making any progress whatsover. I was that frustrated.

One of the most difficult things has been accepting that I cannot achieve academically the way I used to. It doesn't matter what I do- not happening.

What exactly was the problem, you might ask, because I'm being kind of vague here. What do I mean by "could not study?". Well I wondered that too.

I could not for the life of me understand what the problem was. The most obvious question was, had I spontaneously developed an ADD problem, that would randomly come and go? That didn't seem to be the case. But for some reason, sometimes, my brain would not work. I'd be... in a fog. A few times I thought maybe coffee would sharpen me up... which did not work at all. It'd be very awake... and still confused.

This whole thing was maddening- why was a twenty-something losing her cognitive abilities? Was I a mental case? I still seemed relatively sane, despite the my occasionally fuzziness.

It was if there was a delay in my brain's messages around itself. Normally, you'd have lots of little thoughts every minute. Imagine them clogged up and never making it across your brain. Stalled thoughts that never make from where they are generated to where they are registered and acknowledged.

The brain emails were getting lost and delayed.

The neural pathway were snowed in.

Memory boxes were jammed and refused to open.

After a while, I might just have to give up and lay down, stare at the ceiling or something. That seemed all I was useful for doing.


Now, a few weeks ago, right before finals, I noticed that I was able to open up my textbook and just ... read it. I read for just about 4 hours, even, and seemed to not have any problems. I still can't really memorize the way I used to. I can't write up notes and flashcards without my hands hurting too much. But even this improvement, was a relief.

Wishing you a good 2009

I for one, have not a single New Years resolution. All year long, I am working to do as much as I can, get as much done as possible, improve in what areas I can.

What else would I resolve to do?

I am a bit optimistic about 2009, at least. While I am still less than thrilled with a longer 10 year view, well, one year at I time. Make that one month at a time. I used to make plans and have long term goals. No longer, I'm afraid. All those plans met a slow death anyways- so I might as well just wait and see what actually happens. I now practice the "not thinking about x issue" method of stress relief. It actually is kinda working for me. This method was easier when the brain fog was around more often, though. ;)

In the long run, I'm pretty much just hoping that each year I will continue to enjoy housing, food, clothes, health insurance, and of course, an internet connection; I will continue to enjoy these in 2009, so let the year roll forward.

From ScienceDirect.com

Increased occurrence of weaknesses in attention testing in patients with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis compared to patients with other thyroid illnesses:

Click here to read more

Their results "point to subtle brain dysfunction in a subgroup of patients with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis even in euthyroid state."